How to Build the Confidence You Deserve
Hey Selfists, Tamika here!
Self-esteem isn’t just about feeling good about yourself—it’s about knowing your worth, setting boundaries, and showing up for yourself every single day. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, negative self-talk, or the feeling that you’re just not enough, you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: self-esteem isn’t something you’re born with or without. It’s something you build.
What is Self-Esteem, Really?
Self-esteem is the foundation of how you see yourself and interact with the world. It’s the inner voice that tells you whether you can take on challenges or whether you should sit this one out. It’s deeply tied to your beliefs, past experiences, and even the people around you.
High self-esteem doesn’t mean you think you’re better than others. It means you believe you are just as worthy as anyone else. It allows you to navigate life with resilience, knowing that setbacks don’t define you, and achievements don’t determine your value.
Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem
- You set and maintain boundaries without guilt.
- You embrace mistakes as opportunities to learn.
- You trust yourself and your decisions.
- You don’t compare yourself to others constantly.
- You prioritize self-care and personal growth.
What Low Self-Esteem Looks Like
- Constantly second-guessing yourself.
- Saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do.
- Feeling unworthy of good things happening to you.
- Seeking external validation to feel good about yourself.
- Negative self-talk and being overly critical of yourself.
How to Build Self-Esteem
If you’ve been struggling with low self-esteem, know this: change is possible. You have the power to shift your mindset and rewrite the narrative you’ve been telling yourself. Here are a few steps to get started:
1. Challenge Your Inner Critic
We all have that little voice in our heads that whispers doubt and negativity. The next time it shows up, ask yourself, “Is this true?” Most of the time, our fears and doubts are based on past experiences, not our present reality. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
2. Set Boundaries Like Your Life Depends on It (Because It Does)
People with high self-esteem don’t allow others to drain them. They say “no” when they need to and don’t feel guilty about it. Start small—decline that extra commitment you don’t have time for, or let someone know when they’ve crossed a line.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
Confidence is built through action. Set small, achievable goals and celebrate when you reach them. Every win, no matter how small, reinforces the belief that you are capable.
4. Surround Yourself With Positive Influences
Take a look at your circle—are they uplifting or draining? The people you spend time with impact your self-esteem more than you realize. Surround yourself with those who see your value and remind you of it.
5. Prioritize Self-Care
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Whether it’s getting enough sleep, exercising, journaling, or spending time in nature, self-care reinforces self-worth.
Final Thoughts
Building self-esteem takes time, but every step you take toward valuing yourself is a step toward a more confident, empowered you. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness, patience, and love that you give to others. You are worthy, just as you are.
What’s one small step you can take today to boost your self-esteem? Drop it in the comments below!